Its no secret. Aliah and I take great pictures (LOL) - and yes we do have a great relationship (wedding bells ringing!) - but I often wonder why we end up the local poster children for "black love". I mean don't get me wrong - we appreciate all of the positive support, compliments and all. Its just that sometimes people make me feel like what we have is not just rare but almost impossible to attain.
Do you really believe that?
Think about it. Most references to black love these days aren't really about its existence but rather the lack thereof. Articles are all about how to find it (is it lost?), and how to make the best of it (is it sub-par somehow?), what to do in its absence (inter-racial dating tips?), etc. etc. etc. - I don't really believe all of that. I don't think that any of us are that forgone that we can't have "black love" or any love for that matter. Instead I think the problem is that well - we are too focused on "the problem."
Its kind of like being in a pool for the first time. When you jump in your mind is telling you that you will drown - so you freak out. When the truth is the - you are actually surrounded by something that is key to you very existence and if you let it do what it do and act accordingly it not only can keep you afloat. It can keep you alive. Funny right?
To keep it on water references - I think people really are TOO FOCUSED on the glass being half empty rather than being half full. Most of the time is spent complaining about what's wrong with your potential partners as opposed to exploring whats right with them. We're always on the lookout for the first sign of trouble - so much we probably miss the bright lights of opportunity in the people we meet.
If you really think about it -your top 10 list of goals/attributes for a potential mate is actually more of of constraint than a guide. It seriously limits your options. You are practically running a persons resume as they approach you. Some of the most successful pairings are people that you wouldn't ever consider viable mates. But in the end they work. What if those people had been as closed minded? Hmmm...
(Ok maybe not that last one...)
It is true that both sides really need to step it up on the interpersonal skils (yes both sides) but I think there needs to be a "return to basics" for the masses. Really get back to getting to know people vs. meeting potential sutors. Everyone is not a candidate for husband/wife. It takes time to figure that out. And you can't figure it out overnight (especially in bed).
Black Love is not a commodity. Its not this rare gem that you can't find in everyday life. Its not the impossible dream or reserved for Hollywood hills
Nor the White House
Black Love just like any love is all around you. It requires risks and faith. Support and communication. An open mind and an open heart. If you don't have these things - black love won't be the only thing you are missing out on.
2 comments:
This is a good post. I get some of the same comments from people making it seem like being in love and now married is almost impossible. To makes things more awkward is that I almost have no friends locally that are in the same situation as me...BLACK AND IN LOVE?
I'm late on reading this, but it is a good post. Black love shouldn't be impossible. And we shouldn't lose hope. But I'm realizing a lot lately. Black love (or our lack thereof) is similar to how women are with purses. I have a fake Dooney. It's cute and it looks like the real thing...but I'm too cheap go out and buy a real Dooney. Why? I could afford it, but right now, in my eyes, it costs too much. But it's the real thing, it's genuine, it's good quality...but I know that in order to have it and shell out the dough, I have to change my mindset. I should be willing to pay for something real, genuine and of good quality....you would think.
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