So I was having a conversation lately with a friend and she was telling me about a relationship that she had with a man that was "involved" with someone else. This is kind of a sequel to the "Are you a sidepiece" Facebook note from a couple of months back (let me know if you want me to post that -courtesy of Vandalyzm!). So anyway she said something to me that struck me as odd -that she was not just his sidepiece she was the girlfriend too (same as his live-in girlfriend). Now mind you I am not judging her - everyone has their own views on things and this was her own. But what raised my eyebrow was the concept that two women could be on the same level in a man's life...and then I got to thinking about it and I wondered - IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?!?!?
I think it safe to say that a man is often put in a position to choose between the women in his life (wife vs. mother, mother vs. daughter, wife vs. mistress, main chick vs. sidepiece, etc. etc. etc.) - and in order to do that there has to be some kind of working order. While I am NOT (repeat NOT) going to try and formulate some plan around that. I do think its important that you be cognizant of the things that are going around you and the reality of your relationship with another person. That way it doesn't come as a surprise to you if/when something forces you to choose (i.e. getting busted for all you playas and playettes out there).
In the conversation that I was having there were several instances where I saw an "opportunity" to assess her position but I don't think she did - or just ignored it anyways.
1) Feelings being involved vs. the reality of the situation. In this case pitting the fact that you have feelings for someone vs. the fact you KNOW they are involved with someone else. If you don't have a problem with this - there is no rank conflict and no need to assess your role. If you start having issues with not being seen in public places, getting public acknowledgment, getting left alone in the bed in the middle of the night or early next morning? Then this is a prime opportunity to assess your status. How do we do this - simple - ask. Don't be a fool and accept any answer - look for lies or half-truths. Bottom line is when presented with a simple a question anything that is not a yes- is a no. ("So are you going to leave her for me?", etc.). The real problem is that this BOUND TO HAPPEN - so there really never is a time when you "don't" have a problem with this its just a matter of time before you admit it to yourself (and its probably going to be when you see that person with another person). You also have to determine how far a person simply making you feel good is going to carry them in your eyes (I don't care what he does out there..he comes home to me).
2) Competition - this is when everything is on the table. All the key players know where they stand and they try to make a play for dominance despite that. For example - you have a spouse - and its a well known fact or something they don't hide and people make a play for them anyway. That's competition (or at least an attempt at it). Where do we assess our status here - simple: watch. If the spouse is very open to these come on's etc. - we have a problem. If he/she shuts them down with ease - we're in the clear. Don't try and stop them from happening (if you like/love them for a # of reasons - is it logical to expect others not to be drawn to them?) - just make sure they are getting shut down.
3) Self-Esteem - you don't always have to base what you are or where you stand off of other people. Take a look at yourself and how you feel. If you don't feel good about it - do something about it. People will prey on your weaknesses. Its the nature of the world so make yourself #1 in your life and remove anything driving you down - including playa/playettes who are wasting your time.
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